Year one - check!

I for one am thankful that I made it through the first year of motherhood.

To celebrate this momentus occasion, we invited family to come over. A light dinner followed by dessert. Jenna got her own cake and really got into it. She got a lot of very nice gifts and is quite the spoiled little girl. And she didn't try to take off her hat. Hurrah!

At one year Jenna can:

• Clap
• Wave
• Share
• Drink from a sippy cup
• Stand on her own
• Cruise along things but doesn't walk on her own yet
• Dance to music
• Bring us books to read to her
• Be really vocal but no real words. She has said "mama" and "dada", but they were babbling and hasn't attached a person to them yet
• Can take off her socks really well!
• She likes to hand or show us things
• She has 6 teeth.

My little pumpkin

Last summer we went to the fair and Jenna looked like this:

A year later she looks like this:

 

I love that Jenna is holding up her sock. She likes to hold things up for us to see.

What is home?

I think there are several definitions of home. And that there is a difference between being at home in a dwelling and being at home in a town or city. I live in Fresno, CA. Right now I live in a lovely house that a feels like home. But the town still feels foreign to me. I feel like I am a visitor in a strange place. I don't belong in Fresno. We have been here 1 1/2 years. We have acquaintances and I know where all of the shopping should be done. There is family, which is perhaps the only redeemable thing about this town. And yet...

I used to live in Provo, UT. At first I didn't belong there, but at the end of seven years I knew I did. What changed? How did Provo become my home? It wasn't a perfect place. It didn't fit my ideal of what a perfect city/town should be (there was snow afterall), but it felt like home.

I think a city becomes your home when you are comfortable there. When you have a nitch and are included. Here in Fresno, there are a lot of very nice people who have tried to include me. Yet I resist. I don't want Fresno to be the place we stay forever. I don't want to be stuck in this hot, dirty, poor place.

In a perfect world I would live near the ocean. I feel at home next to an ocean. The waves speak to my soul and sooth me. I could live in a lighthouse on the outskirts of a small village and I would be perfectly happy (I think).

However, this imperfect world has deemed that I will live in a desert for an indeterminate period of time. How long will we be here? Four more years? Four more decades? Forever?

I need to accept that Fresno needs to be my home. Maybe now that I have accepted that I need to accept Fresno, I can. Oh, but it is so hard!

Thoughts on Burial

I was in Monterey, CA last week. I took a walk every day. One day, I went to a well maintained cemetery with a lot of mausoleums. I mean a LOT. There were several rows of mausoleums. I had never seen a mausoleum before and the sight stunned me. I had just walked past hundreds of modest graves, only plaques in the ground. And now here were some people had the audacity to make themselves more important by building themselves a building. Why did they do this? Do they think that they will they be more remembered, that they will be more important because they built themselves a shrine? Even in death there is a competition about whose graves markers will be the best. "I am richer than you, and therefore I am more important because I can build myself a building." Is that what this was about? I have been into the crypts of lords and kings. I am used to them parading themselves before the world. They feel like they earned it. Okay, I get that. It is tradition. But having a normal, common man do this? I was astounded.

As I continued my walk, my thoughts turned to family. There were several heart shaped headstones with places for two people and only one person was there (and the first one died 60 years ago so that wasn't the reason there was only one person). How lonely. It would be more friendly, more comforting, to know that your body lies with the bodies of your family members. Is that why people build mausoleums? To ensure that they will be buried with their family?

Maybe the mausoleums I saw last week were the result of pride. But maybe, and I hope this is true, just maybe, they want to be with their families in death. We don't all have the eternal perspective and hope the Gospel brings concerning eternal families. In the end, seeing the mausoleums made me appreciate that I have been sealed to my family for eternity. I know that it doesn't matter where we are buried. We can get lost at sea or die on Everest (I read "Into Thin Air" recently) or die in our beds, but no matter where we die, we will be together forever.

Buddy: A Tribute to a Very Good Dog

Our dog Buddy is gone. We had to put him down a few weeks ago. Luckily we were forewarned and I was able to have a last week to say "good-bye."

I am mixed on how I feel. I was sad to see him go, but now that I am through the mourning process, I am actually kind of glad. No more hair and no more dog chores on my plate. I now have more time to get things done. And I don't have to feel guilty when he follows me around the house. I don't have to feel bad that I'm not giving him attention when I want to get something done while the baby sleeps.

But he was a very good boy and was a comfort at night when Steve was gone (and Steve is gone a lot for work). Buddy got so excited for simple things. And when I was crying because I didn't want him to have to go, he comforted me by sitting on (not at) my feet.

Do I want another dog? I don't know. I just don't know.

He could eat a rawhide bone from Costco in about 20 minutes.

He was a big dog that liked small spaces.

"Oh, please can I have it? I'm a good boy."

Sitting at our feet while we watch General Conference.

"I love my rope toy."

He was a very patient dog.

What is going on here?

"Helping" me vacuum.

Loyal to "Master".

Santa Cruz

Steve had to work in Santa Cruz and I jumped at the chance of having a paid vacation on the coast. I loved my trip. The hotel location was phenomenal (thank you, Steve!) and I was minutes from both the beach and downtown Santa Cruz. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! Especially when it is 100 + degrees at our current home.

The climb to the top of the street was worth it. I had a chowder bread bowl on the wharf with Steve and his co-workers.

It is cold on the boardwalk and I want out of my stroller!

Okay, I will go if I have to.

Are you sure about this, Mommy?

A more comprehensive view of the Carousel.

Climbing

So Jenna has decided that climbing is one of the only things worth doing.

Here she is climbing Buddy:

Speaking of the dog, I also caught Jenna washing her sock in the dog water. I didn't get a picture because I had to put a stop to it fast!

She is much better at entertaining herself. She has learned how to fall on her bottom, which is much less scary than falling backward. She crawls more so when she gets bored she can easily look for something else to do. She also follows me (crawling) around the house while I do chores. After about two full house laps she gets frustrated.

So she is crawling well. As for walking, I am torn. I would like her to be able to be more independent, but I know that once she starts walking she will get faster and have more potential for getting into trouble. I guess I'm not really encouraging it! Though it does stress me out when I see this in the morning:

Jenna has a lot more personality. She laughs a lot at silly things and likes being social. She talks alot. Her current favorite is growling. She is fun to be with and I am excited to get to know her more as she gets older.

Oh, and she is starting to resist spoon feeding. I guess motherhood is a job that constantly changes...

Whenever I go shopping I get comments about how she looks just like the Gerber baby. That is fun. Also, I have recently had strangers tell me that I am a good mother. Awkward, but nice.

Kind of random, but I also like this face:

Crawling Forward

Jenna has figured out how to crawl forward! She had backwards and sideways down a month ago. Within the last 48 hours she went from fumbling to moving effectively in any direction she chooses. Buddy has learned he liked Jenna better before she could crawl to him and mess with his face!

In other news, I got a daddy motorcycle. Big, heavy, road rumbler--not a zippy death machine. Still working on it to get it tuned up and checked out before riding seriously though. Probably should post pictures of me and my riding babe mounted up once it's to that stage!

--Steve

Washington D.C. Again

We went to Washington D.C. again, this time with an almost 7 month old. More laid back then last time. Good vacation.

We went to:
--National Zoo
--US Botanical Gardens
--Arlington National Cemetery
--Library of Congress
--National Archives
--Franciscan Monastery

Good times. My favorites were Arlington and the National Archives. I admit that I got a little emotional.

Only one person was able to sleep on the subway.

mmmm-BAHH

Suzanne said that we can't call this Jenna's first word, but I definitely think it is. Her first word (according to me) is mmmm-BAHH, written phonetically.

mmmm-BAHH means "I am happy and I like talking with you." So it's really an efficient word. The "mmmm" is slow and quiet, while the "BAHH" is shorter and more forceful.

Of course that's not in Websters dictionary, but I contend that a word is a defined sound that has a specific meaning, and can be used to communicate. mmmm-BAHH has all those qualities. She makes the sound the same each time (defined, consistent), and always communicates the same meaning because she only uses it around her Parents and only when she's content and giggly.

Suzanne is waiting until she says "MaMa" to claim first word.

--Steve

Jenna Bear

It's official--Jenna Bear is the name that stuck. My bear has mastered the "almost-crawl"! She has successfully pushed up on her arms for over a month. These days she couples that with the raised hips, but does more of a bobble (thing table with 4 wabbly, crooked legs). I tried to get a picture, but they're rare moments and don't last long.

Our fruit trees have lots of fruit on them. Cherries will be first to ripen--within a week or so, then stretching out for a few weeks following. Jenna Bear likes when I hold her near the trees and she feels the leaves in her hands.

Deloitte work has slowed down after the busy season slowed in April. I have been home nearly every night since then and enjoy spending more time with Suzanne and Jenna Bear.

Don't forget the step child! Buddy came to work with me last Friday for the end-of-busy-season party at a lake resort. He played in the water the whole time and tired himself out for 2 days.

Suzanne has finished her latest cross stitch and started a new one which should finish in a month or so. When not putting out Jenna fires she is watching all the past seasons of the TV show Bones. Jenna Bear even recognizes the intro theme music!

Next week Jenna Bear's second cousin Olivia Hamm (3 months) comes to visit so my baby can show off how much she's learned!

--Steve

Competition

Already Jenna has two boys competing for her attention. There are two little boys around her age at chuch (and one a month older whom she hasn't met yet who is also a very cute little boy). One of the boys (M) was actually born in the same hospital, on the same day! That boy's grandma (a very sweet lady who I really like) jokes about wedding invitations. M and Jenna had a fun moment together a few months back. He was talking up a storm and she was smiling her classic Jenna smile. But they really haven't had very much interaction.

Jenna has spent more time with the other little boy (B). B and Jenna have spent a few "play dates" together while his mother and I have have traded babysitting. Jenna has decided that B's hand is very, very tasty. Though Jenna is more interested in B (those big eyes just like to look and look and look), they both tolerate each other.

Both boys have spit up in Jenna's presence. I guess this is how little boys impress little girls.

I really like both of their families. Whom to choose??

Vacation Week

Last week my sister came to town! We did so many lovely things and I am glad that she came.

Highlights:

I got to show off my guest room, my lilac guest room with the complimentary candy and shower stuff.

We saw a production of "Hairspray", so fun!

She gave Buddy a TON of attention (which he loved).

We had a few tasty dinners including baked ravioli, meatball soup and burritos from Don Pepe's.

We watched a few fun girly movies.

She helped with Jenna quite a bit, and really seemed to enjoy it, which I appreciated.

We (plus Steve and Buddy) went to a big park and had a nice meal and walk.

We went to a used book store and I found these treasures for $3.24.

My sister is such a good listener. I wish she could have stayed longer but I am glad she was able to be here for as long as she was. Hurray for sisters!

The Grass Is Greener

Yes, this is a Cary Grant movie, but I am not talking about that (though the song at the beginning about old English houses is hilarious!).

With me the grass always seems to be greener somewhere else. Not only is the grass greener at the homes of my church friends, but it was greener in the past or it will be greener in the future. "Oh, if only I was working again I wouldn't be so lonely." "Oh, if only I was in school again I would feel like I've accomplished something." "Oh, in 10 or so years when all of my children are in school I can go to a gym." All of these thoughts then end, "it is then that I will be perfectly happy".

I have always had trouble with remembering to be happy with what I have now. I need to learn to savor and relish (or at least ignore!), the "hard" things I have right now in this phase of my life.

Okay, so I don't trust a gym with Jenna, but I can take her to my in-laws house and use their elliptical. We can go on walks around our neighborhood. I have fun exercise videos. My grass is green!

Okay, so my husband has to be out of town a lot (it is busy season) and I am usually home by myself during the week. But he is home on the weekends and we can talk on the phone each night. When he is gone I have time at night to do ridiculous girly things like bubbly baths and movies. I can read scriptures in bed before I go to sleep. My grass is green!

Okay, so I don't have as much adult social interaction as I have had in the past. But I always have Sundays and there are many opportunities during the week to get out of the house and see people - I just have to make them happen. My grass is green!

And what I don't have that I had in the past was an ache. My body, mind spirit, really my soul, ached for the opportunity to raise a child. So much ache that sometimes I was physically in pain. And now I have a little girl to love and cherish and even during her hard times that is enough (though she didn't heal that ache, the atonement did, but that's another story). She is a blessing and we'll just find a new rhythm together.

In conclusion, my grass is green. It is hard to remember sometimes, but my grass is green.

A Rose By Any Other Name...

So I have learned that if you call a stressor by a silly name, it doesn't stress you out as much.

• When a baby is really crying, really going for it she is in a tizzy
• When a baby isn't really going for it, but is still upset and crying/fussy she has troubles
• When the fussyness causes a baby to start wiggling so much she is jumping out of your arms she has the twiggles (trouble wiggles)
• When the dog is lying on the floor next to the couch or the crib and makes it hard to get up or put the baby in her crib he is helping

Two months of Jenna

Jenna will be eight weeks old tomorrow (Tuesday). Here are some pictures of our time together.

Month One

Month Two

(Btw, it is hard to get a good picture because she is super wiggly!)