The Grass Is Greener

Yes, this is a Cary Grant movie, but I am not talking about that (though the song at the beginning about old English houses is hilarious!).

With me the grass always seems to be greener somewhere else. Not only is the grass greener at the homes of my church friends, but it was greener in the past or it will be greener in the future. "Oh, if only I was working again I wouldn't be so lonely." "Oh, if only I was in school again I would feel like I've accomplished something." "Oh, in 10 or so years when all of my children are in school I can go to a gym." All of these thoughts then end, "it is then that I will be perfectly happy".

I have always had trouble with remembering to be happy with what I have now. I need to learn to savor and relish (or at least ignore!), the "hard" things I have right now in this phase of my life.

Okay, so I don't trust a gym with Jenna, but I can take her to my in-laws house and use their elliptical. We can go on walks around our neighborhood. I have fun exercise videos. My grass is green!

Okay, so my husband has to be out of town a lot (it is busy season) and I am usually home by myself during the week. But he is home on the weekends and we can talk on the phone each night. When he is gone I have time at night to do ridiculous girly things like bubbly baths and movies. I can read scriptures in bed before I go to sleep. My grass is green!

Okay, so I don't have as much adult social interaction as I have had in the past. But I always have Sundays and there are many opportunities during the week to get out of the house and see people - I just have to make them happen. My grass is green!

And what I don't have that I had in the past was an ache. My body, mind spirit, really my soul, ached for the opportunity to raise a child. So much ache that sometimes I was physically in pain. And now I have a little girl to love and cherish and even during her hard times that is enough (though she didn't heal that ache, the atonement did, but that's another story). She is a blessing and we'll just find a new rhythm together.

In conclusion, my grass is green. It is hard to remember sometimes, but my grass is green.

A Rose By Any Other Name...

So I have learned that if you call a stressor by a silly name, it doesn't stress you out as much.

• When a baby is really crying, really going for it she is in a tizzy
• When a baby isn't really going for it, but is still upset and crying/fussy she has troubles
• When the fussyness causes a baby to start wiggling so much she is jumping out of your arms she has the twiggles (trouble wiggles)
• When the dog is lying on the floor next to the couch or the crib and makes it hard to get up or put the baby in her crib he is helping

Two months of Jenna

Jenna will be eight weeks old tomorrow (Tuesday). Here are some pictures of our time together.

Month One

Month Two

(Btw, it is hard to get a good picture because she is super wiggly!)

2011 in Review

What a crazy year this has been. A year that Steve and I have thought and worked so much for. This year realized so many of the dreams we had during our college years. I'll try to make it brief...

January

• I walked through the snow to take a yoga class with my sister at "The Center" 2 nights a week. I then walked her home and we walked as slow as we could without freezing.
• I was finally at peace that I was not pregnant. It took 6 months, but I was more than okay, I was at peace.
• I made a "Provo bucket list". So glad I did that. I did everything except take a zumba class at the Orem rec center.

March

• The pregancy and blood work said I was pregant. Really? I was in denial.
• At work I started to train my replacement. I poured myself into the relationships with my co-workers knowing that they were soon coming to an end.

April

• I got an ultrasound to date a pregancy I didn't really think I had. The baby was 11 weeks old.
• I said "goodbye" to SirsiDynix. Loved the people and not the work. It was hard to leave the people I had grown so fond of.
• Steve (and my sister) graduated from BYU.
• We moved to Fresno and into our house.

June*

• We officially started fixing up the house, our first project was new carpet! This would be a summer long project with lots of yard work and painting.
• We traveled to Washington D.C. to see Matt and the sights.

July*

• Steve and I volunteered as leaders at the Fresno Stake Girls Camp. There were three Hamm women there who responded to "Sister Hamm". That was confusing! I repelled and hiked and was glad for frequent opportunities to nap.

August*

• Steve and I were counselors at Camp Sunshine Dreams. Amazing experience! I hope they let me come back in 2012.

September*

• Steve started work for Deloitte.

November*

• We had our baby girl!
• Steve passed the last section of the CPA test (which he started working on in May!) while I was recovering in the hospital with Jenna. I "helped" him study but I was so groggy I doubt I was helpful.

So in conclusion, 2011 was a happening year. I wonder what 2012 will bring?

*Pictures are on other posts to this blog.

CPA

This is Steve. I passed all parts of the CPA exam! I was studying for 3 of the 4 parts over the summer while working on house projects. Then the last section I studied quickly as I was working and waiting for Jenna to arrive. My scores were pretty good! (75 is passing)

Tax and regulation - 91
Audit - 84
Business - 91
Financial - 92

My job gives a little bonus for this now and mostly I'm relieved to not have to study while working and Jenna-ing.

Jenna Elizabeth - The Birth Story

It was a marathon to get our little girl born. Approximate 24 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing and it ended in a c-section. Here is my story...

Monday October 31st

On this day I was so excited! I knew that babies usually don't come on their due date, but wanted our little girl to be born on this day. It was not to be. Instead, I went to the doctor. My body hadn't progressed from the last visit and he said that we would set an induction date for November 7th.

The week of October 31st

I was a wreck. Every day I couldn't help but wonder, "Was today the day?" I didn't sleep very well that week. I went to mutual (at the time I was 2nd counselor in the Young Women's presidency in our ward) and to church that Sunday. Everyone was as anxious as I was to greet my little girl.

Monday November 7th

My induction appointment was at 5:30 am. They started pitosin at 6 am. I was hooked up to a machine all day and only kind of felt contracts. I could handle the pain and I only progressed to a 3. The doctor suggested we stop pitosin, sleep at the hospital and get started again the next day. I had only slept 3 hours the night before and that sounded like a good idea. Especially when they offered me a sleeping pill!

Tuesday, November 8th

Pitocin started again at 5:30am. I was having back labor and decided to get an epidural at 10am. The doctor who gave me the epidural was LDS! He is in North Stake and Steve's parents know him. He was gentle and that was very comforting. Around 3pm I started feeling labor pain on my left side - from the belly button to the opposite side. They gave me extra juice and that really helped.

Finally at 5:15pm I was fully dilated. I was elated! And then I pushed. I couldn't really feel the contractions, but the nurses helped and I did the best I could. I even pushed sideways to get the baby to corkscrew down. That helped but it wasn't quite enough. When the doctor came in (around 8pm) he said, "Let's stop the epidural for 30 min, just so you can feel the contractions." Well, they cut the medication and let me feel the full back labor. I think during the entire process of labor I threw up four times - more than I have in the last 10 years!

The baby got really close to coming out vaginally. The doctor knew I didn't want a c-section and we tried to use a vacumn, but the baby's face was up and just wouldn't come out. When they made the decision to do the c-section, I was in so much pain and was so tired that I didn't care what they had to do - just as long as they made the pain go away!

After administering pain relief, they rolled me into the surgery room. I tried my best to ignore the fact that I was there and to stop the uncontrollable shaking. Thankfully I was so drugged that it felt like I was in the room for only 5 minutes. I remember they told me the baby came out, but nothing registered until I saw Steve's elated face. Jenna got really high APGAR scores and is a very healthy, alert baby. This is exactly what I wanted, just not via c-section.

Here I am doing my best to smile. Totally didn't work!

So my delivery was NOT the way I wanted it to be! I wanted to have a natural, vaginal delivery. The pain really, really, really hurt, but I almost had it and if labor had been shorter that would have helped... I wonder that they didn't look to see that her face was up before. I guess if she had been a smaller baby we could have had her without a c-section...

We came home early Friday afternoon and I was still so exhausted that I spent the next couple of days crying and crying uncontrollably. I am much better now and able to function on 4 hours (in a 24 hour period) of sleep. My incision still hurts but I am healing well and have already lost 19 pounds (17 more to go!). I am still bummed that I had to have Jenna this way, but she is healthy, and that is the most important thing.

And that is my story.

(Both my mom and my mother-in-law had c-sections for all of their babies, and I may have to join the club (we'll see...). At least I have a lot of empathetic support.)

Halloween

So I don't have a baby yet, but I did dress up for Halloween on Saturday.

Can you guess what I am??

(The cat who ate the fishbowl!)